rushed

i don't know what exactly it is,
but even when i have the littlest of tasks to do i always feel really rushed.
and then so i become really stressed. and too tight.
it's bugging me so much! like that's how i feel right now.

maybe it's because i'm anticipated for this weekend's retreat (= i thought being a leader was going to be fun, but its a lot more stressful than i thought cause you have to make sure the lesson plan is learned. Maybe i'm stressing out too much about it, idk. AGGGH i wish i never feel like this ): UGH

and ever since last sunday, i've had a HUGE craving to go shopping. i've been trying to go but i was too busy, and tomorrow i have to babysit and then friday i have to leave for retreat. darn, i guess i can't go this week ):

i guess this week's load was pretty easy though cause of the CAHSEE exam (= i love finishing the test and getting like an extra hour of sleep for each section. haha maan today's egyptian slapping game during chem was pretty intense. LOL

i think if i get over tomorrow then i'll feel fine (: I've come to realize how i really don't care about school anymore. it's kind of good i guess?

show week & cm

so this week was pretty busy. actually march is pretty busy.

starting sunday, i had a SALT leadership training. Me and my partner Grace are basically counceling/leading juniors and seniors, but i'm younger. i'm pretty sure they won't listen to me, but at least I have Grace to help me (:
then tuesday through friday i had show week. i don't think it was as much of a burden as last time's show because i actually had alot done before! except preparing for cm. our show was ALOT better than the christmas one, but it's been seriously sucking ever since this year.. ):

and then today was cm! wow since it was my first time i was pretty nervous. i was there like 3 hours early before my performance time cause i knew that i was going to take forever on theory. good thing i came early though cause i had alot of time left, so i read the new seventeen magazine (: but then the guy that calls your name to take you to the performance room called me like an hour before my time and so i was like so shocked. cause i was planning to review before but then I was reading the seventeen magazine :/
so i was waiting and the boy before me took FOREVER! OMGGG. i had to sit down on this chair and this grandma and chinese man was talking to me. it was pretty weird but then i think the grandma likes me cause she was shocked it was my first year (:
oh wow. but then i kind of sucked at sight reading. i was doing good when i practiced and then BLEEEH. it was horrible ): and then i think i kind of did bad on two of my four pieces. darn it.

that's why i'm so nervous... for the results ): oh wow if i fail this i don't think i would ever want to do piano again. uggggh i really hope i pass..

&& i've been more motivated to keep my grades up ever since my parents found about zangle and have been nagging at me ever since. Since my allowance depends on my grades now, i really have to try or else i seriously can't go anywhere ):

next week is sadies! but i'm not going... cause i'm going to hang out with my JEMMS<333 haha. this is not nice to say but i hope it sucks so i don't regret that i didn't go (:


anyways, back to work! gotta earn my $$$$