bittersweet

scared..
that they won't cooperate with me
that it'll be harder than I expected
that my purpose and ambition will fade away
that i'll feel hopeless
that my priorities will be shuffled
that i won't have time to spend with my close ones
that i'll have to adjust to a new lifestyle the last year
that they'll have the wrong conception
that i'll be too caught up

certain..
that I'll encounter an unforgettable experience
that I can prove stereotypes and prejudices wrong
that I have potential
that I have passion
that I can grow as a leader
that I can work well with everyone
... that i'm not just a stupid asian
that I'll be with them side by side and not in front of them


I can do this

finally!

so chill today...
watched LEAP YEAR with heffy today after school.. it was an okay movie. the guy was pretty hot though asopighasdioghasdiogh we were like squealing -_- anyways i actually got to take a walk with my mom and dad.. together today. it was cute heh :) but we talked about SO MANY THINGS probably the most out of this whole year. but i've just realized that i've been so busy i never got to share my life with them and because of that they weren't able to understand me much.. whenever they'd ask me i would always have to explain because i've never told them anything since I was so busy, and explaining would be a hassle.

Just realized that despite the fact they're the stereotypical asian parents, they really want me to follow my aspirations and desires. I really love them :)
We walked for like a little over an hour, but seriously I've never opened up to them so much.. I'm glad they're able to walk my path with me now.

Anywayys i'm loving the last days of school.. seriously i can just chill the whole day without having to worry about anything.. and i am definitely excited for summer! I have so many things planned.. gonna be a hassle but I'll have ALOT more freedom than school. hopefully it won't be a breeze :)

p.s. again mentioning... very very thankful
VERY thankful for the ones that are there for me.


---------------
kind of weird how this happened.. one time i was saying maybe God has other plans but now it's the other way around

creepy

heffy and i were coming back from wal-mart not too long ago and on the way we see two police cars to our right. there's a man lying face down on the ground unconscious.. out of the car... did he get shot or is he just drunk o_o
kind of just sat there shocked by the scene...

then i come home and my brother tells me someone gave me a book. i go inside my room and there's a letter that says "Dear Esther, Please enjoy and be blessed with this book. Love," and then a purple streak. there's a pooh keychain attached to the paper. the book is called the signs and involvements of God...

I ask him how he got it and he said that someone knocked on the door while I was out and when he opened it noone was there except for the letter and the book on the ground..

i'm pretty creeped out.