ultimately

stressed.

so much CRAP x123572460t984789t

before piano my mom was talking with my aunt
she was crying because there's some family crap going on with my cousin's marriage

after piano i got in the car and my mom was crying
from a phone conversation with church people
apparently they aren't doing too well either...

and i got a very unexpected grade on my Anatomy test..
so i have to go retake it ):
and apush! ugggh pisses me off...



the top 10 happiest countries in the world..

Denmark, Finland and the Netherlands rated at the top of the list, ranking first, second and third, respectively. Outside Europe, New Zealand and Canada landed at Nos. 8 and 6, respectively. The U.S. did not crack the top 10. Switzerland placed seventh and Belgium placed tenth.


see the U.S. isn't in there. i think i belong somewhere else

):
UGGGGGGH

On top of everything

when has life become so busy?
at times it seems so relaxing... actually not really. i think it's just the whole junior phase.
right when i came home from piano i made a list of everything i need to do to stay ahead of things so hopefully i won't have to deal with late study nights and whatnot...

anyways labor day was goood (: i woke up pretty early but then i went to meena's house to chill. then we decided to go to the mall... brea actually had longer hours today! and a whole bunch of people... gahhh pissed me off when there were so many people at forever D:< but yeah. bought my moms birthday present! and then right after i got home i brought out my piano books and went to lesson. i was pretty much out the whole daay

but seriously. i feel accomplished getting myself organized because i can already feel the hassle coming. i want this year to end already!

dear _________,

i'm sorry to startle you, to disturb you..
it was hard for me to say.
the whole time i had it in my mind
yet when it was time all i could do was stutter...
i shouldn't have said it that way.
i'm really really sorry to surprise you with such a thing
i knew you would understand, and i should have said it alot simpler.
i hope this doesn't affect you at all because it will continue on
i'm glad it will...



i cannot stop tears from coming out

junior year starters

so my schedule:

1. apush
2. anatomy
3. show
4. precalc
5. bio
6. aplit

not bad! (:
i actually like my schedule except for anatomy. first class on tuesdays thursdays ): but besides that i really like it. hopefully junior year won't be as bad as i think...

plus
i went shopping today! for the first time in summer i think... and i actually bought a whole outfit-worth of clothes. i am truly satisfied.

now all i can hope for a perfect ending to my summer is a fun weekend. and that won't be impossible. play play playy


--update--
my brother is eating a FULL COURSE meal right now.. so late at night but it's so tempting! ugh. damn my diet. i guess it will be worth it later on right? i need some self-control haha

weaknesses

before i start, i've been noticing my frequent updates in my blog. well i better write as much as i can before i'm too busy to do this again.

(:

so today was another 4 hours of volunteer at long beach hospital.
actually today was really fun, i worked with michelle today at her department.
...basically we played and talked with kids that just woke up from anasthesia from surgery (idknow if thats how you spell it); some cases were pretty stupid but others, wow i'm just so fortunate that i'm healthy. I knew that health was something i should treasure but that thought was pretty dormant until now.

Anyways,
the lady there gave us a tour around the department... basically surgery rooms. It was, obviously, my first time in there...
for some reason it was alot less scarier i thought. Surgery and blood is one thing that I DEFINITELY cannot stand, but when i was there it didn't seem too bad. until i saw blood on the operation bed.

i felt my consciousness level going down.. i wasn't feeling the same after that. Writing an essay took me forever :/ my brain is still throbbing..

and i just came to realize, if i plan to work in the medical field how am i supposed to overcome this? A needle that goes through my arm scares me. Something in my body scares me. The talk of blood scares me. What else am i scared of...

in spite of all this, I'm glad that i didn't have to file papers and look at explicit pictures (:

now hopefully i can be conscious enough to finish up some summer hw..

finally!

i survived wednesday.

wednesday =
vocab cumulative tests
sat practice test
piano lesson.

i have finished everything. what a relief...
all i have to worry about now is summer homework.

focus focus focus!

2 more weeks

of summer.

i
am
going
to
die.


anyways,
new haircut! (:
kind of short, but i like it since i was aiming for a new style anyways.
i wished she cut my bangs a little differently though.
i will dye my hair soon too

a new look for a new school year? guess so