rushed

i don't know what exactly it is,
but even when i have the littlest of tasks to do i always feel really rushed.
and then so i become really stressed. and too tight.
it's bugging me so much! like that's how i feel right now.

maybe it's because i'm anticipated for this weekend's retreat (= i thought being a leader was going to be fun, but its a lot more stressful than i thought cause you have to make sure the lesson plan is learned. Maybe i'm stressing out too much about it, idk. AGGGH i wish i never feel like this ): UGH

and ever since last sunday, i've had a HUGE craving to go shopping. i've been trying to go but i was too busy, and tomorrow i have to babysit and then friday i have to leave for retreat. darn, i guess i can't go this week ):

i guess this week's load was pretty easy though cause of the CAHSEE exam (= i love finishing the test and getting like an extra hour of sleep for each section. haha maan today's egyptian slapping game during chem was pretty intense. LOL

i think if i get over tomorrow then i'll feel fine (: I've come to realize how i really don't care about school anymore. it's kind of good i guess?

show week & cm

so this week was pretty busy. actually march is pretty busy.

starting sunday, i had a SALT leadership training. Me and my partner Grace are basically counceling/leading juniors and seniors, but i'm younger. i'm pretty sure they won't listen to me, but at least I have Grace to help me (:
then tuesday through friday i had show week. i don't think it was as much of a burden as last time's show because i actually had alot done before! except preparing for cm. our show was ALOT better than the christmas one, but it's been seriously sucking ever since this year.. ):

and then today was cm! wow since it was my first time i was pretty nervous. i was there like 3 hours early before my performance time cause i knew that i was going to take forever on theory. good thing i came early though cause i had alot of time left, so i read the new seventeen magazine (: but then the guy that calls your name to take you to the performance room called me like an hour before my time and so i was like so shocked. cause i was planning to review before but then I was reading the seventeen magazine :/
so i was waiting and the boy before me took FOREVER! OMGGG. i had to sit down on this chair and this grandma and chinese man was talking to me. it was pretty weird but then i think the grandma likes me cause she was shocked it was my first year (:
oh wow. but then i kind of sucked at sight reading. i was doing good when i practiced and then BLEEEH. it was horrible ): and then i think i kind of did bad on two of my four pieces. darn it.

that's why i'm so nervous... for the results ): oh wow if i fail this i don't think i would ever want to do piano again. uggggh i really hope i pass..

&& i've been more motivated to keep my grades up ever since my parents found about zangle and have been nagging at me ever since. Since my allowance depends on my grades now, i really have to try or else i seriously can't go anywhere ):

next week is sadies! but i'm not going... cause i'm going to hang out with my JEMMS<333 haha. this is not nice to say but i hope it sucks so i don't regret that i didn't go (:


anyways, back to work! gotta earn my $$$$

busy busy busy

so now that February is almost over,
i'm about to have one of the most busiest months of the year.
): and a time of financial crisis too.
ugh

March 1st- Leadership training @ LA Central Church
March 2nd- Last piano lesson before CM ):
March 3rd-5th - Show week
March 6th-7th - Broadway Show
March 8th - CM Testing
March 14th - Sadies
March 20th-22nd - SALT Retreat
March 22nd - Bach Festival

HOLY CRAP. I just realized bach festival is like on the day i come back from salt retreat. shoooot.
This month is seriously hell. omgwwwwowww

hopefully sadies will be good (:

asdfghjkl;

I wish I was ALOT smarter with my words!!!!
):<

by that, i mean i wish I knew what to say at the right time.
gaaad i totally regret what i said yesterday.
i need some conscience to tell me what's right to say and what's wrong.


i'm sooooo stupid
ugh

changes

these days i wonder alot what, or who i would be if i was someone else.
or what i would do differently if i was able to start my life over again.

but besides that, life has been going pretty okay. one thing i'm super disappointed about is how i ended my semester ): ugh. but it actually motivated me to try harder so i hope that i'll actually do better and not disappoint myself.
It's raining alot too. Haha I actually started this blog cause it was raining and now it just reminds me of that time again (:

Okay so...

1) i'm excited: the two three day-weekends! UGGGGH YESSSS
2) i'm craving: shopping. like super badly
3) i'm missing: a few loved ones
4) i'm addicted: to freaking boys over flowers. gad those hotties

(:

1 Thing I DEFINITELY Need In My Life

... is my cellphone.
Life has seriously been miserable without it. It's like I just isolated myself from the world or something. Basically my poor phone has been dropped many times (they weren't all me!) and so the screen pretty much broke. Like the phone works but I can't see the screen so it's really hard for me to really do anything. AND! It only used to slide up and down but now it can open sideways. So pretty much it cracked in half too. Poor baby...
And so me, my mom and my brother decided to go to the cellphone store since my brother's broke a long time ago too and I really insisted that I get a new one asap. But we literally went all around garden grove and other cellphone stores near cypress, and they were all closed!

Today, I learned that all korean cellphone stores close on Sundays.

I guess I do learn something new everyday. I asked my mom if we can go to the mall or something but I don't think she wants to do it from a non-korean person. Wowwwwww I think I'm going to go crazy with another day.
And I keep on getting those text message noises but all I can reply is "Sorry I can't see what you wrote my phone is broken so you have to call me." That's like literally what I write in every text message these days. Uggggggghh. But I think I'm getting it tomorrow right after my mom comes from work so hopefully my I can take really really good care of my new phone (:

And... I'm really not looking forward to this week. finals. plus piano. wow piano's been such a pain. I kind of regret going for the whole competition system thing cause now I have to pay so much attention for it and I just don't have the time. The only thing I'm looking forward to this week is minimum day and friday. (: wooot


okay, well mi mama and I are about to go out and buy some cereal and pizza for dinner, so hopefully that will make me feel better about my phone and finals week (:

...

you've changed.