prayers

didn't know prayers would be granted so fast...

thank you (:

revisiting

i had the whole break to write here and I didn't ): might as well before the near year begins...

Break is great (= not the best one but definitely giving me the time i needed to think things over... about what i need to continue and let go. this dilemma has been especially hitting me hard today, but hopefully if i want it bad enough then I'll somehow keep it for long.

and i also realized time is going by SUPER fast -___- the days go by somewhat at a normal speed but when you look back a week's already been over. you wish that just this day would pass by and sooner than you know it, that day's over. so i've learned that it's better not to look at days from a grand scheme (the whole year), but rather by each day and accomplish something so that I can get somewhere rather than wait later until it eventually happens by itself..

hahaha i'm in such a reflective mood. ANYWAYS i'm excited for the lock-in to countdown for new years (= last year countdowning was a total bust so hopefully it'll be fun this year... eating as much as i want without having to worry! muhahah.

oh and before i forget, i'll start writing my new years resolutions...

- Continue
- Stable
- Settled

vague, but makes sense to me... i'll have more (:

11:11

i need to write here more often...

today was so different from what i expected. i had only 5 hours of sleep and woke up at 5:50 instead of sleeping until noon... spending the afternoon at riverside than around cerritos area. it was fun though. just realized that public schools are so much more different than private schools. haha i felt so awkward being with all those christian private schools.. i'm glad i belong in the other community (:

still deciding what to wish for today... there's so many things i could ask for though. haha it's so stupid how i'm thinking about this, but i guess it just sets up priorities and goals for me right now.

hopefully, i can get some sleep today.

yearning

i miss something that I do not have.
many things actually...

ultimately

stressed.

so much CRAP x123572460t984789t

before piano my mom was talking with my aunt
she was crying because there's some family crap going on with my cousin's marriage

after piano i got in the car and my mom was crying
from a phone conversation with church people
apparently they aren't doing too well either...

and i got a very unexpected grade on my Anatomy test..
so i have to go retake it ):
and apush! ugggh pisses me off...



the top 10 happiest countries in the world..

Denmark, Finland and the Netherlands rated at the top of the list, ranking first, second and third, respectively. Outside Europe, New Zealand and Canada landed at Nos. 8 and 6, respectively. The U.S. did not crack the top 10. Switzerland placed seventh and Belgium placed tenth.


see the U.S. isn't in there. i think i belong somewhere else

):
UGGGGGGH

On top of everything

when has life become so busy?
at times it seems so relaxing... actually not really. i think it's just the whole junior phase.
right when i came home from piano i made a list of everything i need to do to stay ahead of things so hopefully i won't have to deal with late study nights and whatnot...

anyways labor day was goood (: i woke up pretty early but then i went to meena's house to chill. then we decided to go to the mall... brea actually had longer hours today! and a whole bunch of people... gahhh pissed me off when there were so many people at forever D:< but yeah. bought my moms birthday present! and then right after i got home i brought out my piano books and went to lesson. i was pretty much out the whole daay

but seriously. i feel accomplished getting myself organized because i can already feel the hassle coming. i want this year to end already!

dear _________,

i'm sorry to startle you, to disturb you..
it was hard for me to say.
the whole time i had it in my mind
yet when it was time all i could do was stutter...
i shouldn't have said it that way.
i'm really really sorry to surprise you with such a thing
i knew you would understand, and i should have said it alot simpler.
i hope this doesn't affect you at all because it will continue on
i'm glad it will...



i cannot stop tears from coming out